I Love The Way You Hate Me
by Kyle-Kenny-McCormick
Summary: Cartman practices his new favorite hobby, which is watching Kyle, when suddenly, he becomes apart of Kyle's problem with Stan. Can he be the one that solves it?  Oneshot  Rated T for language.


**I should probably be updating my other stories, but instead I wanted to do this. It's for my bestest friend ever, Lexy. Even though I'm not quite fond of Kyman, I'm doing this for her. It's my first Kyman story ever, so be light on the criticism. Thanks!**

I stared at him from across the room. He was talking to Stan, of course. I rolled my eyes and held back a smile. Watching him from a distance was my current favorite thing to do.

I took a deep breath a brushed some locks of brown hair from my face, continuing to admire him from behind a few other people. We were at the last party of senior year, and I sat here like a fucking idiot staring at him. I really didn't care.

Screw you if you wanna laugh at me for it. Kyle Broflovski is hot.

Kenny sat next to me, droning on about how big this girl's tits were or something. I was half in to the conversation. I didn't care to listen to Kenny while he was wasted anyway.

I watched everything that Kyle did like he was a television show. It's like that fake Japanese girl on youtube who stares at the camera in every fucking video. It's one of those things you can't stop looking at, no matter how stupid it might be.

Kyle continued onto Stan in some endless chat that I figured would never end. They just kept talking and talking and talking and talking, if you catch my drift. I waited for them to stop so I could get my turn with the Jew.

I watched as Kyle and Stan ignored every drink offered to him. Kyle was too much of a pussy to drink anything, and Stan was a hippie who was afraid alcohol would ruin his future. It's like I didn't know these guys.

When Stan walked off to the bathroom away from his ass-ramming boyfriend, Kyle began to make his way over to the couch that I sat on. I noticed Kenny was gone, probably mad that I was ignoring him, and now Kyle and I sat here alone.

"Sup Jew?" I greet over the noise of the music.

He raised an amused eyebrow and shrugged, "Just waiting for Stan to get back from the bathroom."

"You sure you don't wanna join him in there?" I retort.

Kyle rolls his eyes and stares up at the ceiling, leaning back on the couch and taking a deep breath of air. "Fuck you," the redhead half heartedly replies. I laugh and look away, placing my chin into the palm of my hand and resting it there.

"You wish." I answer.

Kyle looks over at me, causing me to look back and meet eyes with him. "I wouldn't want to be crushed by your over-sized stomach, thank you very much," Kyle grins deviously, showing off his perfectly white and straight teeth.

I scrunch my eyebrows together, trying to show that I'm obviously mad. He laughs and proceeds to stare up at the ceiling.

"I wonder what's taking him so long," Kyle raises an eyebrow, inspecting the hallway that leads to the bathroom.

"You should probably go check," I reply. I knew exactly why it was taking Stan so fucking long. That hippie was about to hurt Kyle. Mentally, that is. Fucking bastard. That's my job.

I watched as Kyle nodded in response and prodded off down the hallway, taking a left turn when he got to the end. I gave it 10 seconds before he came back, bawling his eyes out.

I didn't take my focus off the hallway. Any second now. I watched as a flash of red hair slowly proceeded down the hallway, head hung low and face redder than usual. He ignored everyone and walked out the door.

I pulled myself off the couch and followed him outside. I kept a slow and quiet place behind him, watching as he soon began to increase his pace, running to his black Land Rover. I always loved his car because the trunk opened the way a regular door did, and you could put a third row of seats back there if you wanted to.

He got in through the back door, falling down into the emptiness of the car from what I could see.

I began to cautiously approach the car, inspecting that the seats from the back had been removed at some point or another. Kyle was face down in the back, crying like a child. I couldn't help but feel a little bad for him.

Even so, I knew that he was now available.

I tapped on the car door's window three times with my fist, making sure it wasn't too abrupt or loud and annoying. Kyle pushed himself off the floor of the car with his palms and exchanged glances with me for a quick second, then bringing his eyes away from mind.

I sighed and opened the back door, gesturing for him to move over so I could sit on the ground next to him. He did so. I shut the door behind me and looked at him. I needed to be nice to him. Come on. Even I, Eric Cartman, can be sincere at some times.

"What do you want?" Kyle angrily furrows his brows, crossing his arms and wiping away a few stray tears.

"I want to make sure you're okay. What happened back there?"

Kyle looks around at everything besides me. It looks as if he's contemplating whether or not to tell me. It's not like I didn't already know the answer.

"Stan. He was in the bathroom with Kenny. Kenny had him pushed against the fucking wall, and Stan was just sitting there taking it up the ass. At first I thought it was all Kenny's doing because he was drunk, but apparently, Stan invited him in there," Kyle explains, still not daring to look at me.

I draw my attention somewhere else to. He wasn't going to look at me no matter what. I figured I'd be pretty pissed if I was him.

"I'm sure you'll be okay. Look, there are other people out there…" I try to give him the hint, but he doesn't seem to get it.

"Yeah, but there's not another Stan out there. I want someone like Stan. Someone who loves me. Someone who wants to be with me. Someone who-."

"Cheats on you in the bathroom?"

He hit my arm gave me the look that told me he wanted me no where near him. I scooted myself closer to him just to be bothersome.

"Really, why did you come out here?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "I was going to make sure you weren't coming out to drive yourself into incoming traffic or something," I wave my off hand for emphasis.

"That's funny, because I would've thought that you came out here to make fun of me for being a flaming fag," he sniffles. I roll my eyes again and shake my head.

"Why would I be such a hypocrite?" I question.

"Because you're always like that, you idiot," Kyle stops in mid-sentence and meets my gaze. "Wait," he raises an eyebrow, "What did you say?"

"Umm, I just came out to you, sort of?" I wanted to smack myself in the face for being such a dumb ass sometimes.

"So this is your way of making fun of me? You're cool, really you are."

I throw my face into my palms and shake my head. Kyle is such a goddamn idiot. I say the hardest thing ever and he doesn't believe me. That worked out perfectly. I went to all my possible resorts for tonight, and nothing.

I opened the back door, and walked away from the car, as I slowly approached the house. I myself was surprised when Kyle called me back.

"Cartman, wait, I'm sorry, come back." I turned on my heels and began back without an argument.

"What?"

"Were you serious about that? You know, you being gay and all." I nod, widening my eyes as we stood outside the car. He resumed his normal position back in the car, and I followed, sitting next to him once again.

"I was completely serious," I say, settling back into the car for the second time this night. I slam the back door shut.

"Then, you know, why are you always making fun of gays and stuff?"

I shrug. I didn't completely have an answer to that question. Kyle seems to forget I'm in the car for a few minutes, because his mind goes blank as he stares through the car window. I continue on watching him, waiting for him to say something.

His lips begin to part slowly, and he looks like he's going to have a hard time saying whatever it is that he is going to say.

"Can we have sex back here?" He asks, directing all attention to me like I'm the only person in the world that really matters.

Even though my answer to that should be, hands down, a yes, I have to be somewhat curious.

"How come?"

"Because you obviously like me." Kyle speaks as if I'm stupid.

"Hey, what makes you think that?" I angrily respond, somewhat offended. "Are you really that self-centered, Kyle?"

He shakes his head in response, and blurts out, "No. But I wasn't the only one who noticed you staring at me for hours on end this night. Now I know why," he shrugs. My anger drowns out of my body, and I nod.

"I guess I'm not very discreet about it, am I?'

Kyle laughs and says, "No, not really. So, do you want to or not?"

I look like I'm contemplating it for a few moments, and then I answer with a "Yes."

Kyle smiles.

"I hope you know though, after this, I'll still hate you."

"And that's exactly what I love about you," I reply, taking a deep breath before locking lips with him and pushing him back down onto the car's floor.

Tonight was going to be good.

**Yeah, well this sucked as hard as Cartman sucks Kyle's-**

**~shot~**

**THANKS FOR READING. XD**


End file.
